INTRODUCTION:
Hi there, my name is Jody Swain, I’m from Whitby Ontario, Canada and the founder of a Gamified Family App, called hire and fire your kids.
The HFK app was built to help you raise your kids by managing the behaviours and chores at home through a system of recognition reward and consequence.
I’d like to start today by sharing a Statistics Canada report from last year that revealed ¾ parents experienced concerns and worries about balancing child care, their kids schooling and their own professional work regardless of their children’s age. More than ½ the parents reported greater difficulty managing their child’s emotions as well as their own.
So, what are we to do?
Before I answer that question, I’d like to tell you a bit more about me, how Hire and Fire your Kids came to be, how it works, what people are saying and how it can potentially help you gain a little work/life balance this year.
STORY: baby, blended family, leader in home, roll out, gamechanger
I worked in retail over 20 years and most recently was a Director of stores for a Luxury Canadian Retailer. It wasn’t until I had a baby and I was home on maternity leave with my new baby and my new blended family. My husband had three boys. I had a daughter and baby Ellen. His, Hers and Ours! It was probably around month 2 and I was ready to go back to work. The kids were driving me crazy…
I normally worked a lot of nights and weekends and we only have the boys every other weekend but being home for the year. I felt like I was with them all the time and I could see everything that they were doing and not doing. I could see dishes left everywhere, I could see cupboard doors left open, toilets not being flushed, I could see them bickering and fighting, I could see dirty laundry on the floor beside their laundry bin you name it.
And so, I thought you know what? I can’t go back to work. I have a responsibility to our kids and we really hadn’t sat down and gone through what our expectations were as this new blended family in regards to our house rules and what we wanted for them in this world and why?
So, my husband and I sat down and we literally went through everything that we did around the house. So, everything from doing the dishes, cutting the grass, cooking meals, laundry, paying the bills, house maintenance, you name it. We listed them all and we put a reward amount beside the ones that we were prepared to reward our kids for if they were to “apply”. and then we did the same with expectations. Everything in regards to hygiene, manners, Family Values, behaviors. We listed them all out. Like we had the perfect kid, what would they be doing? And obviously no such thing but it was a fun exercise for the both of us to be on the same page in regards to jobs and expectations in our home. And then we called our family meeting and sat them all down. But before the meeting I actually went around the house and I took pictures of everything that drove me crazy that week and I put them together in a little slideshow.
So, the kids sat there one Sunday afternoon and we’re like, oh something’s coming… the presentation finished and I said so who made all those messes and they said we did and then I said and who’s been cleaning up all those messes and they said you have and then I said, do you think that that’s fair? and they all said no, which I thought was great and I thanked them for that and I said, you know what?
We are a family, we are a team you guys are getting older and you’re more than capable to be contributing to the home and I need your help, I need your help. I want to make sure that you’re ready when you get on your own, you can take care of yourself, you know how to do your own laundry, cook your own means and you can take care of you
Anyway, so we rolled out this game and called it hire and fire your kids which I’d based off my work experience where I manage teams of people and my role was to motivate, Inspire and Lead my team to deliver results
and its funny if you were to google traits of what makes a good leader, you can quickly see the similarities to that of a good parent or a mom.
and so being home for the year on mat leave. I thought well why not just do exactly the same thing. Why can’t I manage my home the same way I’d manage my team in the workplace? And so we got our kids input in regards to the jobs and expectation that my husband and I had come up with. And we changed some of the reward amounts, removed some of the jobs or expectations and customizes them to suit our family including our kids input which in fact increased their buy in to play Hire and Fire your Kids.
So, then we cut our kids off. We shared that from now on they would have to earn their WANTS by playing Hire and Fire your Kids and we’d be taking care of all their NEEDS. In past if we went to the zoo and the kids wanted a souvenir we would buy it, we’d head to the local store and the kids would want a treat, we would buy it. But no more…We really wanted to teach then the difference between NEEDS & WANTS and what’s actually important to them when it’s their hard earned money.
And so that’s sort of where it came to be. So, the HIRED side are the posted Jobs, the kids could actually go and apply for these jobs and if they completed them on time, they’d earn reward. Then on the FIRED side, these were the family expectations. So, if an expectation was you make your bed every day and the kid doesn’t make their bed. I simply had to go in and take a picture of the unmade bed and they would get this warning X. The kids goal was to finish the monthly pay period without getting fired. And in our house they would get fired after receiving 4 X’s. So, you didn’t make your bed X, yelled at your brother X, left the light on X, didn’t flush the toilet X, you’re fired.
And being Fired activated a consequence that was set together at our last team meeting and the kids would come up with them and sometimes would suggest a consequence that was harsher than we would have thought of…. They would also lose out on earning their incentive bonuses. And again, Warning X’s can be removed, so if they went and made their bed, I would simply remove the X. All happening without any friction or even having to say a word…
And so, it became gameplay that we had within the home and they were totally on board when we rolled it out and it was a gamechanger! The only tweak we made was adding in a Teamwork bonus component as week 1 of our roll out we found that the kids were throwing each other under the bus, so we’d ended up hearing “so and so just hit me or so and so didn’t flush the toilet. Which was not what I was going for.
And so, we added this teamwork bonus, which was if the kids can go the entire pay period without all getting fired, they’d all get this additional bonus. It worked like a charm and they ended up fixing each others X’s, or you hear them starting to fight and one of them would be like, oh, oh you better watch it. We don’t want to get an X. And the X became the superhero of the game for me as a parent. The kids would come home from school and drop their backpacks on the ground vs in their cubbies and I’d be like, oh, oh, oh, whos going to get an X? and they’d rush over and put them away. I took a picture of shoes just kicked off and less than a minute later they were running up to put them away. They just didn’t like seeing the X’s and would correct them. anyways, at the time we rolled it out we were just playing with the paper version on our fridge, we played for 9 months and it really nurtured our family bond and brought us closer together as a blended family.
INSPIRATION: loss, comfort zone, take action
And then I went back to work and we stopped playing. Life went on and it wasn’t until a series of loss where hire and fire came back into my life. I lost my job and the summer of 2017. My mom died November 2016 and my son passed away May of 2012. So loss after loss after loss, but my job sort of put me over the edge where I just was like, Oh my gosh, this coorperate role that I was really good at, excelled at I just didn’t understand. It was a big slap in the face and I just didn’t know what to do next. That role was a bit of my identity and then I just kept hearing my moms voice in my head as she said something to me in the Hospital along the lines of “You have so much more to give this world, why are you giving most of YOU to this company?” and she was right, I spent a lot of time there, giving more time and attention to my job sometimes than my own family, I’m ashamed to admit. So that was ringing in my ear when this happened. and this is going to sounds weird. But I kept seeing this flashing light of hire and fire, almost like this Beacon calling me, and so I took out the binders that I had put together during the time that we played and I was like man, I wonder if this would work for other families and so I decided to step outside my comfort zone, I was a bit of an introvert still actually am to this day but I created some flyers with the intent to hand out and invite neighbors to hear more about Hire and Fire your Kids. And The type of neibor I was was more like the “hello. How are you?” That’s it. I really didn’t socialize, and so I went out and put these fliers out on all the doors of my neighbors waiting to hear back and five of them responded to come listen to me pitch and share more info on hire and fire kids, if they’d be willing to try it with their family to see if they had the same results, different results, didn’t work at all, that sort of thing. Anyway, I remember thinking oh my gosh, they’re all gonna say no, Why did I do this? And All the ladies actually said yes, they were looking for something like this to help them at home and would absolutely play hire and fire your kids with their families.
And so I had them all back two weeks later. And again same thoughts running through my head like, oh my gosh, they’re all going to hate it. But lo and behold they all were like, oh my gosh Jody. This is a bit of a game changer and had such similar feedback that I experienced with my own family and these were families that had boys, girls some, Singleton children, their ages were all over the place and they all had the same results.
So I decided to basically take my Severance that I received and put it into building an app because this was a paper version that was on your fridge with the hired and fired and I’d taken a look at the different apps that were out there and I was personally looking for one when I had the issues in my home when I was on maternity leave, but there really wasn’t anything. Everything was quite junior or very chore based and the reason I came up with this was for managing the behaviors and expectations in our home and doing so in a non confrontation way. The gamified behavior “fired” side was primary for me especially as a step-mom, then I had the chores “hired” side so the kids could have a little bit more fun versus just the WIIFM. So yeah, we decided to build the app and I created Hire and Fire Inc. a technology start-up company the Fall of 2018.
DRAGONS DEN/AFTERMATH/SLOW DOWN
And then Dragons Den kind of came out of nowhere. So for those of you that aren’t familiar, it’s like Shark Tank in the US. and I was reached out to by a producer of the show through Linkedin.
We still didn’t even have a product at this point. It was an idea and I ended up pitching to the producers of Dragons Den and getting asked to come and actually physically pitch to the live dragons and then we ended up making it to an air date. So that was just crazy that just pushed me way outside my introverted comfort zone and I ended up falling back into my corporate days where I forgot I had a family and I just was living and breathing the business. At that time it was just me and I had help from my sister who had a full time job but was helping me out part time but that was our team. So after our our episode aired for Dragon’s Den I just remember all the customer service that was coming through because it was a game, it was unique. There’s nothing like this out there and people didn’t know how to play and they didn’t go to the website where I had done all these tutorials. They were just like, how do I do this? And do I fix this? Why isn’t this working, I was inundated with these emails coming through about the game play. and the background I had was in luxury retail where customer service is of the utmost importance and I didn’t want to lose any of these customers even for only $8.49. and so I just I just stayed up I just stayed up as I wanted to get back to these people in a timely manner. And so our episode aired October 24th 2019, I was getting maybe two to three hours of sleep every night from October 24th until the end of November and then my husband and my eldest daughter sat me down one night and had a full intervention with me and basically said.
Where is my wife? Where is my mom, you’ve built this app, so you could help families nurture their bond and bring them closer together. And here you are pulling this family apart. So that was hard, that was very hard for me. And as I said, I am a bit of a recovering workaholic. But here I was trying to scale this business and capitalize on my 15 minutes of fame yet, what’s the most important thing in my life?
MY FAMILY.
And so I literally took my foot off the gas and I canceled different podcast and shows that we had booked. and I didn’t want to do it. But I knew in my heart of hearts that it’s something I had to do because I was just getting sucked in. and so Christmas came and January came and I actually took a vacation and went away with one of my sisters that helped me launch HFK.
(slow and steady and I believe it will come, arianna huffington – take time for you most startups fail likely because the founder gets bunt out. Take the time, take care of your self, take it slow, care about your customers and it will happen, success will be there)
And I came back from my holiday, recharged and ready to give hard fire another go. but I really didn’t touch it much at all during that time. I have a hard time balancing the full steam ahead vs. the crawling in a corner or under my covers. The balance was hard and I just couldn’t figure it out. I was either Full Throttle or Hard Brake, and so returning from vacation into a new year 2020, I started to feel like I got my groove back in February. We were invited to join a tech accelerator program to help us scale and grow and then… what happened? Covid hit….
COVID:
Covid days were hard for me, hard for the world really and especially hard for moms. Trying to manage their home, their kids, homeschool, lockdowns, relationships, self care and then throw a job on top of that… So the app was actually a paid download when covid hit and I think like most people I just wondered, what can I do? how can I help? I saw so many posts on Facebook and Instagram from people struggling, trying to manage some work/life balance in this new norm. And here we were with this Household Management System that could help.
and so my thought was let’s make the app for free, here are all these families stuck together driving each other crazy and I’ve created this tool that can help bring some sanity and structure back to the home, where structure essentially had gone out the window. And so yeah, we move the app to a free download and we’re seeing our user base grow at a steady organic pace. The app is far from perfect and that’s been hard to swallow for me. As we’ve released new versions to test with families knowing that it still has a lot of work ahead and needs a lot more money invested into it to make it a viral sensation but I’ve taken some advice from Facebooks Sheryl Sandberg where done is better than perfect.
So that is how the app came to be and since sharing it for free we’ve been working with parents and kids to help manage the behaviors and chores and home as well as tweak the app as we grow. The feedback we’ve received back from families has been the absolute best part! We hear things like “oh, I just feel like I’ve got some control back”, “This is helping me get things back on track”, “I feel I can breath again” , “mom doesn’t yell as much anymore”
Our goal this year is to continue to grow our user base working with parents and kids to make HFK something pretty special helping more families around the globe.
THE APP/TESTIMONIALS/RECCOMMENDATIONS:
So, if you’d like to join us and test the app while making your life a little easier these days here’s what you’d need to know:
- Download the app for all players or use our Web Edition on any device/computer
- Customize the Jobs & Expectations to suit your family
- Customize the Game Rules and decide to play in points or in dollars, pay your kids weekly, bi-weekly, monthly, set your bonus rewards
What else do you need to know? You can actually add additional game rules on there if you choose. for example, we have our kids volunteer for one job a week. That’s an expectation of ours so, if they don’t do it they would get an X or we have that they have to complete a minimum of two jobs a week. If they don’t do it. They get an X.
HFK is a unique app & game and Before you roll out and start playing, you need to take some time (20-30 minutes) to understand the rules of the game.
So, we have a ton of videos out there for you to take a peek at on our website before you roll out with your family. And then when you’re all set up you can call a team meeting and introduce your family to HFK. You must make sure you share the reasons WHY you want to play and work to get their feedback and buy in with the Jobs and Expectations.
You know I’m still surprised at how excited the kids are to play this game. I thought it would be like pulling teeth to get the kids to play but even in testing they were the most excited, they were the ones asking if the app was ready vs. the paper version. And that’s been such a rewarding experience to see the energy and engagement from the kids. So you’d basically roll it out just like you would when managing your own team in a work environment with a goal to get their buy in and engagement. Once your rollout team meeting takes place, off you go and you can start playing hire and fire your kids!
And so, the last thing I share before we wrap is that in our home, we actually let the kids fire us too because we need to be leading by example as well. So, if I don’t make my bed, I know for sure my kids are coming in and giving me an X . I’ve been fired a few times mostly for my potty mouth… and if we as parents get fired the kids have shared that we have to treat them to Dairy Queen Ice Cream. But yeah, it’s been working great, we have some amazing testimonials that you can find on our website, we’ve recently been added as a resource by Autism Speaks Canada, and the Boys and Girls Club, we were at the National Women’s Show in Toronto I was surprised at the amount of teachers that stopped to say, holy moly. This could be something that could really work in the classroom.
So, today we’re just exploring, HFK literally just started as something that was a fix for my family on the year that I was home 24/7 living with my kids. And so now I just feel like everyone’s sort of in the same boat that I was. Today we try and manage living life together in our homes during a Pandemic. So hopefully this little tool I created is something you can roll out with your family, it takes a little bit of leg work upfront to understand it and roll it out but once you start playing it really shouldn’t take up your time. I built it so parents wouldn’t have to be burdened by the app, you shouldn’t have to touch it a lot. It was built for your kids to play by stepping it up, contributing more and helping the family unit but doing so in a fun way that they WANT to actually help! Your job is simply to recognize your kids, reward them on payday and provide any consequences when perhaps, your kids get fired…
CONCLUSION:
And so, to wrap up, I’m sure you’ve heard the airplane safety tip to put your oxygen mask on 1st before helping your child: well, the same applies with emotional regulation.
As parents, we have to prioritize managing our own stress especially during these uncertain days. We need to practice self-care activities like exercise, good sleep, hygiene and relaxation. Easier said than done I know, but if we can do this it really helps us respond calmly to our loved ones and regulate our own emotions.
Playing Hire and Fire your Kids can help you gain a little bit of your “me” time back so you can take on your kids, your home, your job, your spouse allowing you to feel like you’ve gained some control back. It’s so important to lead by example in a home environment too. Your kids can see and learn that they too can contribute, be more independent, responsible and add value to the home by helping you as well they can learn how to cope and manage stress by watching you.
There is no magic wand to manage work life balance but I do know that if you can look after YOU 1st, the rest tends to fall into place. Hire and Fire your Kids is a tool to help you get there but you must take the time to care for yourself. It’s not selfish, its smart and necessary as we manage all the balls, we’re juggling these unusual days…
Thank you.
